Why do people not want to fucking talk to me?
It’s another letter for my favorite person. Anyways, let’s get this straight.. I know I haven’t written anything for you for the past… three months or so and I know you deserve a little something to keep you going, so here goes nothing. I love you, Matthew Charles Miklaucic and I really want to make sure that you will get it through your thick skull that I am madly in love with you and it will never leave your thoughts for one second. I know you are aware of this, but I am just playing it safe. I want to make sure that when you and I are older, much, much older that we look back and say how much of fools you and I have been to cry and fight and argue and get mad over the small things. I know sometime in the future you and I will have and continue our small little fights. I know I get mad way to easily and I know I shouldn’t take anything out on you. I honestly don’t mean to, so I am apologizing in advance because I know I will be a punk in the far- off future, or tomorrow for all I know. Because I don’t. This year’s birthday of mine has been the absolute best. More or less on the actually day but seriously, if I didn’t have you by my side I don’t think I would have realized how much I can enjoy life and love it every minute of every day that I am alive right now. I hated whenever my birthday came, it’s just a habit and I would try so hard to make things happen and for me to finally be happy, but I wasn’t and you changed that. These 7 and a half months that you and I have been together have been something to remember today and for ages to come. You are the world to me, Matt. And losing you would be dreadful. Losing you would be like losing days that I can’t ever get back. What do I mean by that? For example, Six Flags with you, I would never look back at that day and appreciate as much as I do now, because I will hate myself for letting you go, I would toss my member card in the dark somewhere, I would have so many things of yours and so many things you have given me, like.. clothes, shoes, advice, your words and I don’t think I wouldn’t handle trying to forget you and I will never forgive myself for ever letting you go. You are too precious to me, darling. You have no absolute idea of what things I would go through if this relationship, this friendship, this connection would just end. I feel like I have known you since forever and losing this feeling would have my insides turn, my heart crying and my head a mess. So much would go through my mind and I don’t ever want to go through that. The thought of you with someone else. Yikes, I don’t even want to go there. You already know how jealous I can be and you already know of the way I act to certain things. I am one messed up kid sometimes, but you help me with so much. My parents have never seen me this happy before! Do you know how much they appreciate you for that? You know how to treat me right and you have done so much for me and my family that you will never possibly know. You make me act in ways I have never acted before when I am around you. I can be myself and it’s the best. I feel like a kid in a candy store. I feel as happy as I would feel if I even had a bunny! (InsideJoke) Haha. I really wish I can just pay someone to take pictures of you and me, to note down everything we do every single day so that I can look back, laugh, smile and cherish each memory. I forget really easily and it’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that I can’t process so much of what happens to me that my brain just turns into poop and the next day I can’t remember half the things I have done. I wish I could remember every single day I have spent with you, with a photographic memory and remember the little things you would say to me. So I could just fall in love with you all over again and again. I really, really adore and love you. I know I can be a hassle sometimes and I know it can bug the heck out of anyone, but even I bother myself sometimes, trust me. I am just a nonfunctional piece of work sometimes, I can’t stand it haha. Anyways, thank you for all that you have done. Thank you for working hard every single day. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for trying your best when I push you away. Thank you for constantly cooking for me and taking care of me. Thank you for making me laugh and smile and cry. For making me act the way I do sometimes. You make me happy, so happy I feel like a small child and so I act like one. Trust me. Nobody has done that for me. Haha. Thank you for always looking out for me. For always checking up on me for always knowing what to say, for being a complete punk that it makes me angry .. dude, even when you piss me off sometimes, I want to thank you for that, because before I would get mad at EVERYTHING, and when I mean everything, I mean.. literally EVERYTHING. I don’t get mad as much, and when I do, I am happy I am reacting because of you. You make me feel again. To feel these kinds of emotions is a blessing in disguise. I was a zombie before we got this close. I wouldn’t care for things the way I do now. I still need a little push and a little work but it wasn’t as bad as before. And I want to thank you for making me love my life the way that I should. To cherish the things I have and to look at things in a different perspective. Thank you, thank you, thank you for every single thing you have done, to bringing me food to bed and always making sure that I am taking care of myself to the small texts you send me just to check that I am okay. To the small treats you buy me and bring home and surprise me with - to the small kisses and hugs that you always seem to force on me… because you know, I am a punk. Rotfl. I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU and I hope whatever happens, I hope that we continue to grow so much more in love with each other that our heads hurt and our bodies are exhausted ! ;D Thank you for always scaring me from time to time to make our days a little bit more exciting and thank you for having me work so hard.. I am glad that you are a ‘pig’ at home. Rotfl. You keep me motivated and always moving. And I rather be a nagging lover then a lazy one. I want to make sure that when we get our own home sometime in the future that you and I work so hard to make it beautiful <3. Just thinking about our future home, our future jobs, our future life makes me so excited I could pee myself. (Don’t worry, I wont.) I could get all the animals I’d like, too! >:3 Mwuahahaha. Gah! I don’t know what I would do without you. I’d probably still be at home, miserable at best and ignoring the thought of ever going to church. I would have never gotten so close to you and I would have continued to fight with my parents, with my family, with my friends, I would have become lazy, unappreciative and I would have not cared for school as much as I do right now. I would have had so much hatred in my life that I wouldn’t see how good I have it. I wouldn’t have had this wonderful Birthday with my family. I would have never gotten this close to them and I would have always felt like nobody will ever love me. I would have never seen how selfish I was being and I would have always been in bed 24/7 and hating my life . Trust me, you have done more than you think, Matt. You have been this.. amazing thing that scooped me off my feet and turned my life around. I am so happy to have such an amazing boyfriend, a thoughtful friend and a family that I hardly know love me like their own. You have done so much for me I could smile until my mouth hurts and dance until my feet are bloody and sore. (Too much? ) Haha. I love you, Matthew. And I hope you have enjoyed reading this small letter as much as I enjoyed writing it. It’s not much, but it’s from the heart and I couldn’t have said it better myself, but.. I love you, you magnificent person! <33 :D And I would have never wanted it any other way!<3
Love, melliee buun~
Down for lifeeee~!*